i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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