Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
