i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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