I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize