a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
