dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
PANTIES FOUND
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
