Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize