Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
