So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
