I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
