I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
