It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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