I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
