I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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