Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
