just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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