You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
