yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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