guys are only as good as the porn they watch
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize