it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize