Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
