Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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