we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
