i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize