it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
