I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
