Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
