All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I got inside last night via doggy door
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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