He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i need some magic done to my vagina
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
