When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
