My boss' voice literally gives me gas
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
