Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
honey bunches of taint.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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