Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
