My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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