it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
