Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
