I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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