You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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