Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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