Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
