im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
