I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
