It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
