Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
