So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
