I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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