did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
