Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm bleeding and have questions
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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