The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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