She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
