i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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