She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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