How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
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