I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize