So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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