you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
