Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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