The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
