I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
my liver is dry heaving
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
