I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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