I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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