Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
