I wish they made helmets for livers.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
