Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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