weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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