I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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