You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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