So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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