Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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